You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
