I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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