I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
