Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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