well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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