There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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