dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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