I think my fart just growled at me.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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