No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
