you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
