How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
