You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
