im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
