he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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