So drunk its hurt
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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