That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
