I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
