You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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