I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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