New low: just hacked my moms facebook
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
