There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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