so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
