Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
There r osticjed everywhere
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
