I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
