I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
