We should be called the Road Head Warriors
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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