worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Your cock deserves a montage
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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