Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
