this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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