i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
