so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
