i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize