I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
