Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
