They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize