This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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