do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
