U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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