I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
