the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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