You can't special order awesome
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
