I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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