I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Randomize
