Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize