that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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