Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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