i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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