wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
