the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
