im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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