end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
