i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
