I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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