Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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