Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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