Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
