Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My feet surprised me
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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