I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
