my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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