Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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