there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
