Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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