I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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