I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
