How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
