If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
