I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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