i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You pole danced in your parka.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
