Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
