Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
