why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
How does one acquire holy water?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
