that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
