I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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