the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
